Who’s Speaking into Your Life?

On this episode of Investing with Purpose, Kyle takes a different approach to investing. Kyle discusses who’s speaking into your life, the importance of being intentional with what we’re allowing to speak into our lives, and how words can completely change your life.

 

“We need people in our life that are going to encourage us and truly care about us, and negative people are generally very, very selfish people. They don’t ask you about what you’re up to because they’re too busy telling you about their problems and sucking the energy out of you because they don’t have enough energy for themselves.”

 

HIGHLIGHTS:

0:00 – Intro
1:32 – Are the people speaking into your life are helping or hurting you?
1:54 – Sometimes what has helped us in the past, is actually hurting us in the present
3:56 – In order to live a life of intentionality we need to be paying full attention to who’s speaking into our lives and our kids’ lives
5:16 – Kyle speaks about making the shift from listening to rap music to listening to podcasts while working out
9:20 – You can change your life by changing your perspective
10:52 – Negative people do not help us grow and make progress
12:45 – Kyle shares a personal story about being a dad and encouraging his children
22:47 – We must be intentional with what we’re allowing to speak into our lives
24:27 – What we’re listening to, what we’re reading, what we’re watching, and who we’re hanging out with all matters. If you don’t think it does matter, then you’re naïve
25:06 – Kyle finishes with a scripture

 

FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

All right, today we’re taking a different approach to investing again, because I’m really passionate about taking the things that I’ve learned in my own life and sharing them with others, with the hope that just one person may hear something that they didn’t know about or something that they can implement into their own lives so they can also bless others as well.

So today we’re talking about really who’s speaking into your life and why that matters. I mean, we’ve all heard the saying that you become the average of the five closest people around you, but I don’t know if we’ve really assessed that in our own lives. I know I didn’t for the longest time until I really came more into my adult life and had a more transformational shift and where I want to focus the conversation is, specifically on the question. Like I mentioned, who’s speaking into your life and this can really come in so many different forms, like hiring a business coach or a life coach, which I’ve done, or it could just be a close personal friend you’ve known for years, but it can also be some other type of social media and influencer educator.

I think we’re drawn to a lot of these people who have these big personalities that are just displaying it on social media and whoever it is. Have you done an assessment to truly understand if it’s helping you or hurting you? Because I believe there’s no middle ground here because I believe in living an intentional life. And so what that means for me is that I’m constantly assessing if something is helping me or hurting me and what can really get confusing for us, I think is that sometimes what has helped us in the past is actually hurting us in the present. Like a silly example that I came up with is, you know, sometimes it’s actually really good and beneficial to just sit on the couch and just relax because maybe we’ve just been really hard-charging in business day after day and just grinded it out. Or if you have kids like I do, and you’ve been running them around with all different sports and activities all at the same time. So in a free moment, it would probably be a good idea to use an off weekend to do just that. Just sit on the couch, just rest, and kickback. So your body and your mind can actually restore.

However, if this is all we do at night or on the weekends, this can create a really bad habit of apathy, because there’s a good chance that if we’re just kicking it on the couch, that we aren’t necessarily watching something that’s going to fill us up all the time. If you don’t think that what you watch read and listen to, or the people that you hang out with on a daily basis influences your decisions. Then I think you’re naive. I think this is one reason how kids tend to make bad decisions, you know, first they are kids. So we know they may not be able to be fully aware of how to be fully aware of what’s going on around them, but two, their parents just aren’t paying attention. You know, they’re paying attention to who’s speaking into their lives. So let alone, they’re not asking the questions that they need to understand to get to know who’s speaking into their kids’ lives when they get home from school, you know, there’s too much freedom on the iPad and YouTube and social media, because they don’t want to be parents that are square or you know, this is, I really believe this is how kids can start being exposed to stuff way earlier than they should be.

And most of our society is okay with it because they just take the mindset that, Hey, they’re just going to learn it anyway. So why not now? You know, they’re just flat out not paying attention. And I believe that we have to pay full attention to who’s speaking into our lives and our kids’ lives. This is living a life of intentionality.

I used to not pay attention. You know, there a time in my life, early in my marriage when I just used to binge-watch reruns before there was Netflix. And then of course, when Netflix came on, I just binge-watched shows and I just wasted countless hours of shows that just created a negative undertone to my everyday life. I used to watch the news every night too. And it was like, at the same time I’m sitting here wondering why I still had some built-up anger or just fear for our future, you know, thinking the country is just going down the Hill, no matter what political side you’re on. I also used to listen to music that wasn’t filling me up in a good way either.

You know, when I was young, I got really into rap music and you know, just listen to that through the first part of my adult life, I still love the beats. You know, I like music. I actually like all kinds of music. I just like good music, but you know, this is something that I finally just got tired of one day when I was just working out. I would listen to this kind of music all the time. Cause it would kind of be high-energy type of music that I would be listening to. And I just kind of got tired of it. And I replaced that with podcasts while I would work out and I really didn’t have an agenda. Like I wasn’t searching for any specific type of podcasts. I just kind of went through and just searched for what was really popular. And, you know, just what was new. And I just happened to come across some real estate-related podcasts.

And this was before I even bought my first investment property. I got so hooked. I would listen to story after story about how people first got into investing and their stories of just how they grew their portfolios and just taking the next step and everything else and how a lot of these people were still working their corporate jobs, which I was at the time. And so just seeing this all play out and ultimately this led to me building $150 million portfolio of apartment buildings that I own today. I mean, it completely transformed my life. And not only that was I listening to real estate-related podcasts, but, you know, as some of these podcasts would have guests who really weren’t related to real estate. They’d be, you know, other types of entrepreneurs or just other, you know, high profile folks that just had built businesses. And you know, maybe they have books out and things like that. It just got me exposed to all types of content, you know, and frankly, even that, you know, both good and bad, cause there’ll be some successful entrepreneurs on there. They’d talk about how they handle their family life in addition to growing their business. And frankly, there’s some of them that I probably shouldn’t model my life after, but I do think that in a way that was good for me to hear so that I can start to separate and start to analyze and make my own assessment of what’s going on and saying, Hey, yes, I want to be an entrepreneur and I want to start buying investment properties, but I also don’t want to live a life where I’m neglecting my family. So how can I do both? Which ultimately went me down this, this path of like being more intentional with who I was like paying close attention with the right people, you know, understanding who I wanted to listen to.

And so this actually led me down a path to even start reading more because I was, you know, a lot of these people were authors. They had books out and things like that. So I would just go buy their books or, you know, got really big into audible as well, which I still am. And, you know, that’s a huge shift for me because I’ll tell you, you know, growing up whenever I had to do a book report, I was always the kid choosing the book that also had a movie out that I could find at blockbuster. So that’s the type of kid I was and even into my early adult life. So, you know, as you can imagine, the list was always small for the books that I could choose as a kid, but I managed to get through it. So, making this shift in my adult life had been really a monumental transformation for me. Really all because I just kind of started listening to podcasts that were related to living a better life. You know, not just business, not just buying rental properties and paying attention to real estate, but it got me exposed to, like I said, so many different other types of successful people who are both successful in business and successful in their family. And what was really important to me was successful in their faith.

I’ve experienced this firsthand in my own life. I’ve seen my life change over the last five years dramatically from the trajectory that I was on, I would have never thought I could be an entrepreneur. I was on the corporate path. I was chasing the corporate ladder and elements, how much success there. And by changing the content that I was filling up with my mind and soul, I was able to change my life and my perspective on life and my family’s lives forever. And that’s what was really important to me. And the best part about all this is that even if you’re not an entrepreneur, you’re not interested in entrepreneur, becoming an entrepreneur, I should say, you can still change your life. You can change your life by the way you think about things, by thinking intentionally about how you’re doing life and how you’re continuing to grow each day and more than anything else, I believe this is what God wants for our lives. He wants us to continue to progress each day and the way that we change, the way we view our life and our perspective on life is to change the things that we are reading, watching, listening to, and the people that we’re hanging around.

You know, the people in your life that are extremely negative. And if you feel like you don’t know anyone negative in your life, then it actually could possibly be you. But if it’s not you, then you know that every time you leave a conversation with that person, you feel like you’re tired or even angry or sad, depending on the conversation. I personally find myself extremely fatigued after a conversation with a negative person, if I’m getting lunch with them or coffee with them or something, because I feel like I’m having to carry their weight while also carrying the weight of my own life. Even if I’m in a good place mentally that day, that’s still very draining for me. And it’s not healthy for us.

We need people in our life that are going to encourage us and truly care about us and negative people are actually generally very, very selfish people. They don’t ask you about what you’re up to because they’re too busy telling you about their problems and sucking the energy out of you because they don’t have enough energy for themselves. They’re takers and negative people don’t help us grow and make progress. And they definitely don’t help us build our own confidence. And the same is true for how our kids start to build confidence as well.

I want to tell another story here that’s really personal to me. It’s a completely true story. I’ve seen it play out in my own life. And frankly, this is one of the greatest moments as a dad and an encourager that I’m very proud of in my own life. You know, I have three kids. My oldest is a girl she’s 10, and then I have two boys. My middle son is seven. My youngest is five and my oldest and youngest are very similar. They’re both very free-spirited. They don’t know a stranger. They are truly gifted, natural leaders of influence in the sense that they can get all of their friends and the neighborhood kids to essentially play or do anything that they want just because of who they are and their personality. They are so free-spirited. So bubbly, just great people to be around.

My middle son is also a great person to be around, but he’s different. He’s a natural-born leader in his own way, but let me tell you, he’s basically my mini-me. He is an exact replica of me. And when I say exact, like down to the same calyx that I have in my own hair, I didn’t know Calyx could be passed down, but they were in this case, we’ve got the same hairstyle and I’ve never met anybody else who like, has this exact same calyx as me, except my middle son. And as I mentioned, he’s a natural-born leader in his own way. And so the way that he does this and the way that he leads is more by doing, he just leads more by example, he’s not the rah rah guy, and I never was growing up, even in sports. I wasn’t the rah rah guy. I just always went out and did it and lead by example.

And I remember a specific instance that has played out for us is to give more some context to the story in my life first is because I mentioned we’re the exact same person. When I was a kid, I had some separation anxiety. I don’t know where it came from, but I remember as early as like four and five years old, I remember in pre-K before I went to kindergarten that every time, I would go to Sunday school or my school for the week, something like that, I would just have some severe separation anxiety from my parents. And I would sit there, and I would cry, and it would take several minutes for me to actually come out of it, to go notice my friends that were already there having a good time. And then, you know, by the time drop-off came, it was fine. And I was happy and, you know, went about my day, but this was always a process for me, even in kindergarten. And then through first grade, and even in second grade, I remember still having some of this. It wasn’t every day, the older I got it wasn’t every day, but there were still specific instances where I would experience this. And then we moved in fourth grade. And that was a big experience for me as well. I had so much anxiety around that. The finishing, the second half of my fourth grade year, when we moved to Houston, it was challenging.

You know, I made friends because I was always, you know, I was always good at sports. So at recess, I’d get out there and I grabbed the football and I’d run around, and you know, I would instantly make friends that way, but I would still have this anxiety because I just didn’t, my only confidence that I had was in my sports and my ability. I really wasn’t a great student, you know, I’d pay attention, but, you know, I did fine. I didn’t fail or anything. I just kind of did what I needed to do, you know. And I mentioned the book reports. That’s a perfect example of how I operated. But I experienced this for a bulk of my elementary school life. And it wasn’t until like fifth grade and sixth grade when I truly started, like, you know, moving past that and didn’t really deal with that anymore.

But I do remember, like, I didn’t want to sit there and cry. Like I remember having these feelings, I didn’t want to sit there and just be upset because my parents had just dropped me off and in a classroom of some sort, or, you know, at a Sunday school, like, I didn’t want that. And I remember just thinking that maybe is there something wrong with me or something like that, but I just, you know, as a kid, I couldn’t really wrap my mind around it. And it wasn’t until even recently where I figured out, Hey, that was just some separation anxiety. But like I said, I don’t really know where it came from. I’m still actually trying to reflect on that and see if there’s, you know, think through, see if there’s some events that led to that in my life.

But we experienced this with my middle son. You know, he grew up going to a preschool and a daycare since both of us worked. And he was perfectly fine during drop-off, from you know, six months till he was probably three and a half, four years old. It wasn’t until he moved into the pre-K class. So the year before kindergarten, where we noticed that every time and I was the one who dropped him off, my wife, at the time she was an elementary school teacher. Now she’s an administrator. So she would always go, and she would take my daughter. And then I would take my youngest boys. And then before our youngest was born, it was just me and my middle son at the time. So I was always taking him to school through pretty much his entire, the first part of his life. I was taking them off and I would drop him off and my wife would pick him up. So I was the one that was having to witness this little transition shift in his mind when he went to this pre-K class. And I’m not exaggerating. It was literally every single day. We’d been going to the same school for about four or five years now. And it was literally every single day, and I didn’t know how to react. And I was talking to my parents, you know, saying, Hey, like, how did you guys handle it with me kind of thing. And it was just one of those where we just, we didn’t really know how to handle it. We just let you grow out of it kind of thing. I just didn’t have a ton of answers.

And so I don’t remember what it was. I mean, looking back on it now is probably just a prompting from God and the Holy spirit, speaking to me and building me up in my own confidence and saying, Hey, your son doesn’t have to go through that. There are things that we can put that are practical practices that you can use to speak life into your son. And this is actually a very emotional story for me because I’m so proud of the way that he handled it and how he has overcome this. He’s essentially become one of my heroes in the way that he has just built so much confidence when there was zero confidence there at, at such an early age, the way that we did this, we were very specific. And I remember hearing a podcast. I don’t remember whose it was on, but it was an interview of Jocko Willink, and he was promoting one of his books. Might’ve been extreme ownership, great book, by the way, that would be a great book to listen to or read. But he also mentioned this book called way of the warrior kid. And when he was talking about the book, it’s about a kid who didn’t have the same story as my middle son, but he had some things in his life that he had to overcome at an early age, and he just lacked confidence. And so his uncle who was a Navy seal, came in and stayed with him for a few weeks and just really helped him build confidence in himself to ultimately go out and live a better life, a life of confidence. And that’s really in the most simple terms, the premise of the book, and he was talking about this on this podcast. I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t read the reviews. I just bought it. And I said, Hey, we’ll try it. Right now it’s like, what can we lose? We are in no better position, after we read the book to him and doesn’t matter.

So we bought the book. My wife is the one who actually read the book to him every night. And I was the one, my part in this was on the way to school. Even when things, even after school, when I’d seen him, I was just speaking so much life into him on a daily basis. Speaking positive words, positive aberrations, just Bible verses. And I’m still very specific with my words that I speak into him and over him, I was just really trying to build that confidence and allow him to feel that confidence that he could go in and walk into that classroom without tears, without fear, more than anything else. And just have the confidence that he could do that. And slowly but surely the tears weren’t as bad. It was a progression, you know, it would be initially it was bursting into tears and then slowly but surely it would just be slow tears coming down his face when we go to drop off.

And then when we get to the front door, it would be, hey dad, I love you. And I’d see these tears coming down his face. And still I’m telling you. And it makes me emotional because I’m just so proud to understand, and to see him go through this progress to eventually he got to a point where he didn’t have any tears at all. He had zero tears. He walked in there with so much confidence, no fear at all. And it took several months to get to that point. It wasn’t just like it happened overnight. And I think we get so caught up in that these types of progressions, that if we want something to change, that it can change overnight, but we can actually change what we’re doing and the habits that we have built overnight. Yes, we can do that, but it’s about taking the next step and getting up and building that consistency so that we can continue to grow as a person. And that we make sure that we have the right people and the right content speaking into our life.

He’s been able to build, to build small confidence every single day. And because I know he’s like me, he’s going to need that constantly. And I know all my kids do. I know that this is just critical for anybody, but especially true for my son, my middle son, who has probably something sort of, you know, predisposition to just having some insecurity about something. But I know like, because I’ve raised him, I don’t know where that came from. And just like in my own life, I don’t know really where that came from. So maybe that’s just something that was just passed down to him from a hereditary standpoint, but I know I’ve got to be extra intentional with him and I can be different. I still need to be very intentional with my oldest and my youngest, but I can be intentional with them in very different ways for how I can build their confidence.

It really just comes down to paying attention to what we’re doing, what we’re filling our hearts and our minds with. Paying attention, to what we’re thinking about takes effort. We have to be able to capture our negative thoughts, and we do this by being intentional with what we’re allowing to speak in our lives. We have to pay attention. We need to act with a sense of urgency. And I’m so passionate about this because life is so short. If you’ve got young kids and you’re not paying close attention to what they’re doing, what they’re filling their hearts and their minds with whether it’s YouTube, even some of these stupid YouTube shows that where they follow these families around, like, what they’re doing in that sense is they’re starting to build this comparison mentality with that family, because a lot of these YouTube stars are getting paid big bucks now, that’s just the world that we live in. So they’re able to go on these extravagant vacations and live in these big houses. You know, I want that for your life. I want that for my life, but sometimes that’s not the place that we’re in right now. So it starts to build a negative comparison, instead of being able to use that as a vision and building dreams and goals around our life, it starts to have a negative impact on the way that we think about our own life. Thinking that we’re inadequate, thinking that where we are is not enough.

And this is one of those things that at the same time, it can also help us. That type of mentality can also help us if it helps us in the right way. If we’re constantly coming in over the top with things that are building us up and building confidence in us, then that’s a healthy balance. And we need that. That’s how we make progress. We have to understand where we are and where we want to go.

All of this comes down to with is just being more aware of what we’re putting into our minds, what we’re listening to, what we’re reading, who we’re hanging out with, what we’re watching, all of that matters. And like I said, if you don’t think that matters, then you’re naive. And I want to finish with a verse from Philippians, it’s Philippians four, eight through nine. You all know I’m a Christian if you’ve listened to any of my podcasts before, so scripture is important to me, but I want to read it because this is something helpful for anybody. It says, finally, brothers, whatever is true. Whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely. Whatever is commendable. If there’s any excellence, if there’s anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What have you learned and received and heard and seen in me practice these things and the God of peace will be with you. Take the next step to analyze where you need to clean up. What’s being spoken into your life. So you can allow that to pass through you. So you can be the one to encourage someone else in their life that needs this, be that person for somebody else. This is truly investing with purpose. And this is what I’m passionate about. I hope this encouraged someone, take care.

 

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